Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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