i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need to sanitize my soul.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
