no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
