She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
