I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize