I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
