took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
