I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
