i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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