I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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