theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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