he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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