I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize