in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
