I hate all girls vehemently.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
