I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
