dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
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My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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