Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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