I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
