this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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