i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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your like the ambassador to my penis.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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