Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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