I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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