If that was your dad, he is hot
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
