he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
