totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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