Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
