Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
