can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I will be naked everywhere
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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