I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
how drunk are you?
Several
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize