You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
