Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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