Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize