so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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