This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
