R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
