so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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