Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
