HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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