How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
