I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
