2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
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Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
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She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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