shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
