We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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