My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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