oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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