I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
