normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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