I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize