I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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