Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
