Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?