You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.