he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!