Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends