now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption