when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese