the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
