Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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