She is in my trunk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
