so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
