I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
soo... how was my night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
