yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
