I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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