I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
