His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
