escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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